Bondage and Discipline: Turning Your Fantasy Into
Studies have shown that up to 50% of all men have fantasies about sex
(B&D). Similar numbers have come up for women's
placing the fantasy of being restrained or otherwise controlled during
sex second place only to the very basic fantasy of sex itself.
This means that if you've always wanted to introduce some
elements of bondage into your own sex life, you're in good company!
||Of course, mentioning your
fantasies to your partner can still be a
nerve-wracking task. As with all sexually- and
emotionally-charged conversations, it's usually best to have The Talk
at a neutral time. Bringing it up just before or just after
making love (or worse, during) could make your lover feel turned off,
insecure, or pressured. Instead, introduce a discussion of
fantasies at a time when you're both relaxed and unemotional.
you still feel hesitant, a game like Exploring
can help get you and your partner talking about B&D in a
way. As long as you broach the subject in a respectful
showing concern for your lover's feelings as well as your own passions,
you're likely to receive a positive response. You may even
discover that he or she has been fantasizing about the same thing!
If you don't have a partner at the time, you can still begin exploring
the world of B&D/S&M
by yourself. Using adult personal ads or fetish clubs (both
which are easily found online), you can connect with others who have
made bondage a part of their lives -- either as a weekend hobby or as
an entire lifestyle. Even doing something as simple as
and articles on B&D can get you prepared to safely
experiment with real-life interactions.
Finding Your Comfort Zone
Before you begin, it's important to find a partner who you trust.
Someone who practices bondage and discipline in a structured
environment like an adult dungeon or fetish club is likely to know and
follow the code of safety, otherwise known as SSC (standing for safe,
sane, and consentual). Prior to engaging in any sexual
you will sit down with this person, discuss your boundaries
desires, and establish precautionary measures should things become too
much for either of you. Even if you're experimenting with a
long-term and trusted lover, it's critical to share your expectations
with one another and come up with a safe word to use in the event that
the action becomes too intense. Because so much of B&D
involves role-playing as a victim and perpetrator, words like
"stop" and "no" may
be mistaken for part of the game and not taken seriously.
Together, you and your partner can invent a word or phrase
will catch your attention and immediately put a stop to the
Bondage Equipment for Beginners
|Once you and your partner
have agreed to explore bondage within your
relationship, you'll need to decide what kind of toys will help
the most of your experience. I would recommend starting out
of the most basic
pieces; there's a tremendous variety of bondage
toys on the market and you don't want to become overwhelmed
before you even get started!
Some of your options include handcuffs,
ticklers. Used alone, each of these erotic toys
can supercharge your sex life. Use more than one in the same
session and expect even more powerful results.
To get things off to a bold start, consider purchasing a bondage
supply kit. That will give you a chance to
experiment with some of the most popular B&D toys, without
costing you an arm and a leg. By the time you've played with
bondage kit, you and your lover will be able to talk about
what worked and what didn't. You may well love everything you
try, but certain implements will likely stand out as your
favorites. A basic
kit can help you decide what items are worth splurging on for
Ready, Set, Go!
When you're just beginning to make bondage a part of your sexual
routine, it's a good idea for lovers to take turns being in control.
After you've had a chance to cuff
your lover to the bed, cover his or her eyes with a love
mask, and treat your partner to an erotic sensory
experience heightened by the thrill of anticipation, you
won't mind changing places for a few thrills of your own.
Be safe, and have fun!